Miss Mo

Spring of 8th grade I became friends with a girl at Ackerman Jr. High. Thirty-four years later, we are still best buds and tighter than ever. Only God could have known how our differences would compliment each other, and it's those differences that have kept our friendship so alive for so many years. We have walked with each other through boyfriends, jobs, parties (and a few hangovers), movies, books, Rocky Horror Picture Show, college, parents, siblings, a few concerts, MANY MANY late nights giggling until we were gasping for air, road trips, weddings, marriages, divorce (mine), pregnancies (her twin boys, my two girls) husbands, homes, families, lives. I was her matron of honor with a beautiful wedding. I was happy to just go to the courthouse for my wedding. She wanted the biggest crown she could find in the bridal store for her veil. I got married to Mike in a dress I got off the clearance rack at Sears. I think I paid $2.75 for it. In many ways we are so opposite and in other ways we are scary alike.

As life stepped in and made us grow up (dammit) our times together grew further and further apart, as it's supposed to, but our hearts and minds stayed as close or closer. I called her when my uncle was murdered, she called me when her brother-in-law was killed in a freak accident. We both know the Lord and I cannot begin to wrap my mind around heaven with her as my friend. It's going to be AWESOME. "Hey Heidi, let's go get Noah to do the Time Warp with us on a cloud!"

One day she called me. "I'm having my hysterectomy in a few days" and it was a two hour conversation giggling about everything from painkillers to "happy little period my ass!" We are both now members of the Hysterectomy Sorority and life is MUCH funnier now. I can go to her with a problem, a worry, a fear, a thought, and I'm NEVER belittled, put down, laughed at (unless I'm laughing with her),or argued with. We each know when the other is at the end of our rope and we are the snapping turtle that chases the other right back up that rope to keep fighting the fight. She's my life ship's ballast and I can talk her down out of trees. Our parents are getting older and now our conversations are peppered with talk about those issues. I hate flying. After college she became a flight attendant for Alaska Airlines where she eventually met her husband on a layover. They've been married 21 years this month. I love her husband. Quiet, hard-working, tall (6'5"), conservative. Heidi and I were laughing about how excited we were when Bill Clinton was elected. Then Tim, her husband, quietly worked on her and she came over from the dark side (liberalism) (again, thank you, Tim), at about the same time I left the dark side and began the conservative life. Now we wonder what we were smoking when we were happy about Bill Clinton getting elected.

She married into a family that was a perfect fit for her, enjoying their vacation house at Lake Arrowhead, going on the cruises her in-laws put together, a beautiful house in CA with a pool. But she never lost that girl whose above-ground pool I flopped in summer after summer, she knows my life is much more sedate and quiet and there's no looking down her nose. She knows that's just how I live, it's how I am. That's just how life turned out. Her in-laws are the most delightful, unassuming people in the world. I don't have in-laws. So many things in our lives are polar opposites, yet we are still bonded together. Through all of our dark days here, she's been one of my biggest supporters and prayer warrior. She's a spin instructor at a fitness center, I've gained weight over the years (you give up smoking, get pregnant, have a successful business where you sit for 12 hours a day and see what happens) and looks fabulous yet never shines the light where she knows it's going to hurt me. I know it's time to take care of me now that I have Mike moving forward and I have to be healthy. She looked fabulous and I was OK with that and the truths in my life: Time to do something for me now.

She was in town this last week for our 30th high school reunion, she attended, I didn't, and yesterday for the first time since our 20th reunion we were able to spend some time together. She showed up at 3 and at 9:30 she looked up at the clock and said, "When did it get to be 9:30? I need to hit the road!" Time just stands still when you have that person in your life. Five minutes after she finally found our house, it was if we hadn't skipped a beat. There was no great RUSH of catching up because we communicate often in so many ways. That's what I love about her, we just CONTINUE whatever is going on with us and it doesn't skip a beat. She's the voice of kindness and calm that I need when my voice gets too critical or bombastic. She met Mike for the first time yesterday. He was so embarrassed about our life and worried she would look down at him, but Heidi was Heidi, and five minutes into their introduction they were chatting it up. He was over the moon that she loved his car. She has that magical ability to put ANYONE at ease. I've said she could venture into a mortuary and in five minutes have the corpses sitting up chatting like old friends. Alison fell in love with her and didn't want her to leave. When Ali was 3 she saw the photo on my office wall of Heidi and I taken at her wedding. "Mommy! You know a REAL Disney Princess?" I DIED. Yesterday, she brought Alison a Hallmark Keepsake Cinderella Princess Ornament. The minute she spotted Ali when she came in the house she came to a halt. "Oh, my Lord, it's a mini-me for you, Lor!" Truly, Ali is a dead wringer for me when I was a young girl. Within no time they were like macaroni and cheese. Ali is a toucher and a hugger and she just couldn't get enough of Miss Heidi.

I didn't want to turn her loose last night. I found me again for a little bit. I found the girl that giggled uncontrollably about Roseanne Rosanadana. We both still remember the lyrics to "Let's talk dirty to the animals", I'll sing it for you sometime. Or maybe not on second thought...... Sometimes all it takes is a look from one of us and we're giggling. I lost that girl in me for a long time. I need her back. Yesterday was such a gift because it reminded me that she's still there under the layers of doctor appointments, diabetes supplies, homeschool, weddings, politics, life. I saw Heidi and remembered just because I'm 48 I don't have to act 78. Our time together breathed that spark of life into me that I needed. What a GIFT He gave us that day in the library at Ackerman when somehow we ended up at the same table to work. And yes, I have a brain for things like that. I can't remember half of what I've cooked this week but I can remember the candle she gave me one year for Christmas. THAT is friendship.

 I love that girl.  Heidi Fordham. Life would have been so much less hilarious, fashionable, musical, danceable, conversational, employable, enjoyable without you. You have blessed me in ways I will never be able to put into words, but we have Heaven for that. I'm so much richer for knowing you.

We filled that space with Jesus

John Ankerberg is a pastor that Mike watches, along with many others, and he's had a terrific series on lately with Michael Easley, head of Moody Bible Institute, who suffered a life-threatening illness, and Joni Eareckson Tada and her 47 years in a wheel chair as a quadraplegic and now breast cancer survivor. On last night's show the spouses of Dr. Easley and Joni began THEIR interviews as caregivers and I didn't realize how much work it is to be a caregiver until I heard Ken Tada speak about marrying a quadraplegic. I thought MY caregiving for Mike was intense, and it was and at times, still is, but to be a newlywed and waking every two hours to get out of bed and turn your wife in bed so she isn't in pain and doesn't get pressure sores--unbelievable. He was a high school teacher and coach at the time and those of you who have gone through life with newborns can relate to the staggering exhaustion you feel being awakened every two hours to take care of a helpless little human.

A while back I learned that the body's "sleep" chemical, melatonin, is manufactured by your body to help you get drowsy and sleep. As long as the lights are off in your room, or whatever room you're in, you won't have much trouble falling back asleep because your body keeps producing melatonin. Turn on the light, however, and your body almost immediately ceases the melatonin production. That's why you don't fall asleep quickly after you have turned on the lights in the middle of the night. Here's Ken Tada, a newlywed, getting up every 2-3 hours a night, turning on the light, moving his wife around, stacking cushions and pillows to make her comfortable, then wake up and go to work. EXHAUSTING! After a year, they were stressed, arguing, drifting apart.

It's so easy to do that. Honestly, there have been days when I could have easily said, "Know what? You're on your own! I'm going for a mani-pedi, wanna go shopping, have a giggle with the girls--I just don't feel like taking care of you today!" It's a CHOICE. I took vows and made a commitment to this man to love, honor, and cherish him through better and worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poor, till death do us part. You're there for the good times, the ugly times, the heartache, the laughter, the victories, and the defeats. I've had to do things to help him out in ways most women NEVER ever have to even think of. You don't realize how much your body is tied together with ligaments and tendons and muscles until you cannot turn and take care of a basic human need. When you cannot move your body the way you're used to, it's time to ask for help. The trust it took him to ask me for that help was enormous. How can I dare even think of humiliating him when he's asking me to help him with a simple task when I could so easily crush him with a smirk or a word? I have taken that trust and treasured it.

Now, this doesn't make me Mother Theresa. Little secret: I can be a roiling bitch when the mood strikes, and my job is to take that to Him and say, "Hey, Father, I can't handle this and I will really wreak destruction with my words, here, you take this attitude of mine and don't let it near me. Oh, and while you're at it, stand on my tongue so I can only say things that edify and build him up, comfort and reassure him, not words that will shred him and his trust in me." God takes these requests very seriously. He's never let me down.

Watching and listening to this show last evening, and hearing Ken Tada speak--whoa--you mean THAT'S a normal feeling? I can so relate! Hearing a man charged with taking care of his wife go, "Know what? I was ready to throw in the towel! I was exhausted and felt like I was letting her down because I was just ready to quit."--that's powerful. But even more powerful was this:

What was their solution?

"We got closer than ever and went to Jesus. We laid it all out before him, the exhaustion, the pain, the worry, the thoughts of wanting to quit--we DIDN'T quit. We just filled that space between us with Jesus and He was the glue that held it all together."

And it was THAT simple. What a help it was to hear this man share his story and to hear this beautiful couple say, honestly, "We filled that space with Jesus."

Perfect.