The after-bath

You would think that once a cat's bath is over, it's done, gone, buried, never to be brought up again. Not with Gus, apparently. My once normally loving biscuit maker who loved nothing more than snuggling up to me last night wouldn't come out from behind the couch, despite copious coaching and begging on my part.

This morning, he climbs up on the bed, flounces past me, steps on my pillow to jump into the window sill for his morning gaze at the world. I awoke looking straight up into his ass hanging over my end of the headboard. "Yeah, look at THAT, human. That's how I roll when you violate ME."

All day long, he's skirted past me as quickly as possible. I've not had any kitty whoring on the floor--not once has he dropped to his back to show me his tummy and beg for rubs and loves. I'm persona non grata. When he gets upset or wants to prove a point to me, Gus will crawl into the litter box and not just move stuff around. No. He SHOVELS it out the door to where our laundry room floor looks like a giant sand dune. I awoke to about a bucket full of dry cat litter on the floor. I could just see him unloading over night.

"She dumped me in the (swish!) tub, and she (swish!) got me soaking wet, and (swish!) she soaped me up, and (swish!) she tried to love on me while pouring water over me.....and (swish!)" as the litter went flying.

As I'm sweeping up the mess he was sitting in the dining room observing me with a look. "Take THAT if you think you'll ever bathe me again," as he turned with a flounce and headed back down the hall to hide under the bed.

Sweep it up, dump it back in, mop the floor. Little turd.

Today he crawled up into Mike's arms and I SWEAR he looked back over his shoulder at me with a look that said, "That's right. I USED to love YOU. Now I love HIM. Suck on THAT, human. This human won't do to me what you did to me."

"Gus, of course he won't, you walking slipper, he CAN'T get down on the floor to give you a bath. But I can. Oh, I can and I WILL. And the next time? I have a surprise for you. Meet my little friend. I call him SHOWER MASSAGE."