Say it isn't so!!!

The house was quiet. I was sitting at the kitchen table working on an order. The cats were asleep. The dogs were asleep. Alison was doing what Alison does best: be Alison. 

And then, out of nowhere, a cacophony of screaming, ranting, railing, SWEARING, shrieking, gnashing of teeth, Old Testament tearing of clothes, ripping of material, cursing dead relatives three generations back, frothing at the mouth, snot bubbles bursting out of his nose, eyes bulging, carotid artery about to geyser out his ears. I dropped my pen and ran through the house, deathly afraid of what I'd find when I got to the bedroom. Had he died? Had someone tried to break into the bedroom window and encountered the sad end of their life? I came to the doorway, gulped air to calm my pounding lungs, brushed the hair out of my eyes, grabbed the doorway to keep from swaying......

"Honey! What's wrong........."

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, mouth open, words flying out that I don't even know how to SPELL, finger pointing to the television......and then I saw it.

Fox was playing a clip of Obama talking.

A Woman's Guide to Auto Repair (or How To Work With A Man In The Garage)

Done. Fixing my screw up took MUCH less time than the original fix but it is done. Here are my top ten observations titled A Woman's Guide to Auto Repair (or How To Work With A Man In The Garage):

10. Men talk to themselves ALL the time working on a car. You do NOT need to respond to every word from a man when he's working on a car. Shut up and learn when he's just talking out thoughts. They figuratively vomit a stream of thought but it has a purpose.

9. Ninety percent of their questions are rhetorical. Just take my word, you do NOT have every answer and you are NOT the automotive authority that needs to answer their questions.

8. Learn your measurements. You can fire off your bust size but try to find a 11/16 12 point 3/8 drive deep socket. Yeah, your boobs are MUCH easier, aren't they?

7. Do NOT come out to the garage and begin cleaning up or organizing his tools when he's working. Sure fire way to catch a socket up alongside your head.

6. When he's under a 7,000 lb. 3/4 ton 4x4 that isn't the time to begin your mindless prattling about your girlfriend and her fight with the boyfriend. He's not listening.

5. So he has 10 cans of Brake Kleen in various stages of being filled. Is it any skin off your butt if he does? Have you seen your bathroom counter and how many hair products you have strewn around? Go in the house and shut up.

4. If his car is his "baby" and you're jealous that's your problem. Who does he give a pickle tickle to? That's right, you. Now, if you find him giving a pickle tickle to the car, then you might want to rethink those monogrammed towels in the bathroom. Just sayin'.

3. Silence is golden. Mike's uncle turns a five gallon bucket upside down and sits down to think when he's got to fix something. Mike has a custom made stool for the same thing. If he's out there thinking quietly, turn around, don't say a word, and disappear. He may look like he's doing nothing but I promise, you don't want to crawl inside his mind right now. You'll come out black and blue with the ideas flying around.

2. If you are going to crawl under the car and work with him be prepared to not recognize yourself when you are finished. Grease doesn't discriminiate.

and 1. Thank God if your man can fix a car. Beats the hell out of paying someone else big money to fix it, so drop to your knees and thank God for that gift.