Black Friday

I think we're falling asleep at the wheel here, people! Black Friday? How racist is that? We can call it Darkly Pigmented Friday, African American Friday.........maybe Roots Friday, giving a nod to slavery and how we are endlessly apologizing for that (well, I don't, but Bill Clinton loves apologizing for slavery). I'm thinking that the crackers are STILL trying to hold a black man down with this Black Friday thing. I think we need to call it Capitalist Friday, giving a nod to free enterprise. But, no, Big O hates capitalism. Hmmmmmm, how about Government Check Friday because I'm feeling strongly that this will be our LAST Thanksgiving and LAST Christmas because God forbid we acknowledge Thanksgiving and not whine about how the white man clobbered the red man (Indian) and raped their horses and their women and their land and built big cities and chased the red man onto reservations out in the middle of BF Egypt so they can pass out on their single wide front porches next to the transmission sitting on cider blocks while basking in the glow and ringing bells from the casino across the dirt road. Anyway, this possibly being our last Thanksgiving to be acknowledged and celebrated (think I'm kidding? Serious as a heart attack.) and by this time next year probably 1 in 3 people will be receiving some kind of gubmint assistance, so Government Check Friday would be appropriate. 

And I'll bet we don't get to celebrate Christmas next year because we can't be pissing off Ahmed with "Christ"mas, so we need to come up with something that won't piss off men that wear really bad italian tablecloths with serpentine belts around their heads or black ski masks and blow up busses in Israel. How about............Santa Day. But then we have always had big, fat, white Santas and that's SO unfair to so many groups. Once again, crackers are oppressing the black man. So maybe Fat Man In A Red Suit Day (shit, I just managed to offend fat people), and you can color the man any color you want so everyone can feel the love and not feel slighted or offended, because really, my mouth says one thing but my heart says something totally different and I don't ever want to offend men, women, children, dogs, cats, gays, lesbians, bi's, transexuals, hermaphrodites, Italians, Muslims, Blacks, Whites, Chinese, and I need to stop and go fix dinner, but you get the point. And really, Mrs. Clause? We can't forget the testicle collecting feminists that are pissed that the Mrs. isn't little and is stuck at home with a bunch of elves (oooops, now I have offended little people). 

I really don't know how we could have made this much progress with political correctness. Do you? 

 I'm sorry, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, Black Friday.