The
louder you live your faith, the harder the slams from the world are
going to be. This last five or six days have truly been hell. I won't
go into details but your children--when a heart is broken, yours
shatters. When the man you love is in pain and in tears, you die 1,000
deaths wishing you could take the pain from him. When the enemy steals
your peace through the ONE thing he knows will send
you right over the edge into panic, he will do whatever it takes to see
to it you are shattered. When He uses you for the Kingdom and he KNOWS
you will weather the storm to His glory, no matter HOW bad the blows
come at you, the reward of peace is all that much sweeter. I refuse to
be broken unless I am sweetly broken by His mercy and grace. I will not
allow the slings and arrows of the enemy to pierce my heart because I
know that there is a heart stronger than mine that beats eternally and
can sustain me through the darkest of days. I HAVE to believe that
eternity is precious enough to fight through the world's darkness and
when I hang full on to that belief, the noise of the fight dims in the
whisper of peace.
I am YOURS, Father. My children are YOURS. My husband is YOURS. Use us as You will.
Friday, August 22, 2014
August 1, 2012
Two
years ago today our lives were changed forever. A simple scratch on the
leg resulted in the words from the trauma surgeon, "If I do nothing now
you'll be dead in an hour." God never lets full facts slam you in the
face. He allows them to be absorbed in little dribbles and drips.
Nearly two years later, Mike finally is able to absorb the reality that
he suffered from not only flesh eating bacteria,
but post operative respiratory failure, renal failure, and septic
shock. "I not only lost everything on my left leg down to the bone, I
quit breathing, my kidneys shut down, and I had infection coursing
through my body. Can you believe that I survived?" Yes, I can because
greater is He who is in you than he that is in the world."
God has been our sustainer, our healer, our provider, our ever-present peace, our strength, our hope, our grace, our mercy, and our loving Father. During times of faith being sorely tested, Mike has drawn on the love of Jesus. "He hung on that cross for ME. If he can soldier through mockery, being spit on, humiliated, beaten, whipped to within an inch of his life, and then taking those spikes for ME on Calvary's cross, I can get through this."
Some day days have been nearly impossible to get through. He lost 100 lbs. in 90 days from fluid loss alone. You simply cannot comprehend the amount of fluid in our bodies until you experience something like this. Four PICC lines, 12 weeks of daily antibiotic drips, four trips to the Emergency Room, bombarding his body with prescription medications from Cipro and other antibiotics, Atavan, Gabapentin, Lasix, prescription strength potassium, Nabumatone, Vicodin, Dilaudid, Morphine, along with his normal Humalog and Lantus for his diabetes. These meds have taken a toll on his body, despite the fact that they saved him and have kept him going. Now, two years later, he has another surgery looming to remove a cataract on his right eye, and seeing if everything comes together for the bka, or "below the knee amputation" that ironically will give him a quality of life he cannot have now. His days consist of incredible pain, swarms of nerve pain on the skin graft that feel like yellow jackets attacking his leg. The casting attempt last year killed nerves in his foot and the removal of the tendon on the top of his foot that was found to be infected have left him with a "drop foot", or inability to control how the foot lands down when walking. He cannot hike, play basketball, go to the beach and walk in the sand, go camping, hunting, nothing, for fear of the skin graft tearing and introducing almost certain infection once again. We have had close calls over the past year when the skin graft had spots wear through to meat but the knowledge I gained from the nurses at Wound Care enabled us to heal them and continue his care at home.
There are days of tears, days of questions, and days of quiet satisfaction and gratitude when we see victories, no matter how big or small, we accept them all. I've been wife, lover, doctor, nurse, physical therapist, ass kicker, tissue provider, hugger, bottle washer, meal maker, housekeeper, transportation specialist, auto mechanic, domestic goddess, and medical/social/personal secretary, keeping a myriad of doctors and appointments made and kept, paperwork done, an unbelievable amount of medical supplies out of our own pockets as we have watched income dwindle. If I had a dollar for every time he broke down and said to me, "You didn't sign up for this. This isn't fair to you and not fair to Alison," I'd be sipping drinks on a beach somewhere on a vacation we've never ever been able to take. That's when I remind him of the words of his grandfather: "You take it all, put it on the floor in a pile, and call it life." We have grown closer than most couples ever grow, and then there are those days when the nicest thing we can say to each other is, "Shut up."
Alison has learned the ugly reality of life, that life isn't a sitcom where issues are solved in 22 minutes not counting commercial breaks, and sometimes, you hear "No." a LOT. She's been such an incredible blessing, handling a sick dad and the life that comes with it with grace and dignity that belies her age and would shame many adults, and then there are days when she's had enough. Toss puberty into the mix ("I hate that I'm growing hair down THERE! I look like a NEANDERTHAL!") and you have an intelligent, emotional, grown-up-faster-than-most-kids
Above all else, through good and bad, happy and sad, victory and disappointment, we have seen the hand of God, unmistakably and miraculously, reaching out, steadying the ship, bringing sun when we needed to feel warmth, and bringing rain to wash away fear and tears. Above all else, we strive to glorify Him and give Him the praise due for all He's done and the lives that have been touched by us stripping away any and all pretense and bringing so uncountable many along with us on this journey. I have lost friends because of our transparency and gained friends because of our transparency. Many, many "friends" of Mike's have disappeared, unable or unwilling to truly be what a friend is: faithful. Life is ugly at times and some can't handle ugly, and then there are those precious few that have stayed by his side, making him laugh his way through a phone call. Our church has blessed our socks off with mentors and pastors that have walked alongside Mike and just LISTENED. Men are not the strong silent type all the time. They need someone to listen just like women do. Thank God for the men that have stayed at his side. I feel sorry for those that have walked way. True colors are not pretty. Heidi Fordham, the rudder on the ship named Lori, has been an incredible blessing to me, my own personal Santa, sister in Christ, and best friend. People like this are like yeast in bread: They raise you up when you are languishing on the bottom of the bread pan and allow you to be light and golden. My sweet Katherine Skowronek has reminded me time and again that each day is new, don't dwell on the past, true family sticks beside you and loves you no matter what, and that I cannot let those that turn their backs on us overshadow those that are still standing with us.
Time to shut up and get on with the day. Thank you all so much for loving us and walking us through some very, very painful and difficult days. As we watch the world spiral out of control, the song on my heart is "amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me." God is very real and very much alive and Jesus, as promised, has never left of forsaken us. Thank you, God bless you all, and Maranatha!
God has been our sustainer, our healer, our provider, our ever-present peace, our strength, our hope, our grace, our mercy, and our loving Father. During times of faith being sorely tested, Mike has drawn on the love of Jesus. "He hung on that cross for ME. If he can soldier through mockery, being spit on, humiliated, beaten, whipped to within an inch of his life, and then taking those spikes for ME on Calvary's cross, I can get through this."
Some day days have been nearly impossible to get through. He lost 100 lbs. in 90 days from fluid loss alone. You simply cannot comprehend the amount of fluid in our bodies until you experience something like this. Four PICC lines, 12 weeks of daily antibiotic drips, four trips to the Emergency Room, bombarding his body with prescription medications from Cipro and other antibiotics, Atavan, Gabapentin, Lasix, prescription strength potassium, Nabumatone, Vicodin, Dilaudid, Morphine, along with his normal Humalog and Lantus for his diabetes. These meds have taken a toll on his body, despite the fact that they saved him and have kept him going. Now, two years later, he has another surgery looming to remove a cataract on his right eye, and seeing if everything comes together for the bka, or "below the knee amputation" that ironically will give him a quality of life he cannot have now. His days consist of incredible pain, swarms of nerve pain on the skin graft that feel like yellow jackets attacking his leg. The casting attempt last year killed nerves in his foot and the removal of the tendon on the top of his foot that was found to be infected have left him with a "drop foot", or inability to control how the foot lands down when walking. He cannot hike, play basketball, go to the beach and walk in the sand, go camping, hunting, nothing, for fear of the skin graft tearing and introducing almost certain infection once again. We have had close calls over the past year when the skin graft had spots wear through to meat but the knowledge I gained from the nurses at Wound Care enabled us to heal them and continue his care at home.
There are days of tears, days of questions, and days of quiet satisfaction and gratitude when we see victories, no matter how big or small, we accept them all. I've been wife, lover, doctor, nurse, physical therapist, ass kicker, tissue provider, hugger, bottle washer, meal maker, housekeeper, transportation specialist, auto mechanic, domestic goddess, and medical/social/personal secretary, keeping a myriad of doctors and appointments made and kept, paperwork done, an unbelievable amount of medical supplies out of our own pockets as we have watched income dwindle. If I had a dollar for every time he broke down and said to me, "You didn't sign up for this. This isn't fair to you and not fair to Alison," I'd be sipping drinks on a beach somewhere on a vacation we've never ever been able to take. That's when I remind him of the words of his grandfather: "You take it all, put it on the floor in a pile, and call it life." We have grown closer than most couples ever grow, and then there are those days when the nicest thing we can say to each other is, "Shut up."
Alison has learned the ugly reality of life, that life isn't a sitcom where issues are solved in 22 minutes not counting commercial breaks, and sometimes, you hear "No." a LOT. She's been such an incredible blessing, handling a sick dad and the life that comes with it with grace and dignity that belies her age and would shame many adults, and then there are days when she's had enough. Toss puberty into the mix ("I hate that I'm growing hair down THERE! I look like a NEANDERTHAL!") and you have an intelligent, emotional, grown-up-faster-than-most-kids
Above all else, through good and bad, happy and sad, victory and disappointment, we have seen the hand of God, unmistakably and miraculously, reaching out, steadying the ship, bringing sun when we needed to feel warmth, and bringing rain to wash away fear and tears. Above all else, we strive to glorify Him and give Him the praise due for all He's done and the lives that have been touched by us stripping away any and all pretense and bringing so uncountable many along with us on this journey. I have lost friends because of our transparency and gained friends because of our transparency. Many, many "friends" of Mike's have disappeared, unable or unwilling to truly be what a friend is: faithful. Life is ugly at times and some can't handle ugly, and then there are those precious few that have stayed by his side, making him laugh his way through a phone call. Our church has blessed our socks off with mentors and pastors that have walked alongside Mike and just LISTENED. Men are not the strong silent type all the time. They need someone to listen just like women do. Thank God for the men that have stayed at his side. I feel sorry for those that have walked way. True colors are not pretty. Heidi Fordham, the rudder on the ship named Lori, has been an incredible blessing to me, my own personal Santa, sister in Christ, and best friend. People like this are like yeast in bread: They raise you up when you are languishing on the bottom of the bread pan and allow you to be light and golden. My sweet Katherine Skowronek has reminded me time and again that each day is new, don't dwell on the past, true family sticks beside you and loves you no matter what, and that I cannot let those that turn their backs on us overshadow those that are still standing with us.
Time to shut up and get on with the day. Thank you all so much for loving us and walking us through some very, very painful and difficult days. As we watch the world spiral out of control, the song on my heart is "amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me." God is very real and very much alive and Jesus, as promised, has never left of forsaken us. Thank you, God bless you all, and Maranatha!
Swim, little fish!
Took
Alison swimming today at the Kroc Center. There is NOTHING delicate
about this child. She is just a big girl, not fat, but she's filled out
her bathing suit and doesn't look like a 10 year old. She's mistaken
for 13-14 year olds all the time. And she's not the least bit delicate
about jumping in the pool. No jumping in feet first...no....she BELLY
FLOPS every single stinking time. She's
conquering her fears one by one and today it was time to conquer her
fear of deep water and jumping off the diving board. Which she did.
Only somehow she jumped off the side of the diving board and--I wasn't
in the area to watch--she somehow smacked her face on the cement edge of
the pool and now has a beautiful puffy, red torn up inside upper lip.
Didn't phase her a bit. A little bit of ice and some attention from the
lifeguards and BELLY FLOP! right back into the deep end. She's a fish
in water, totally at home in it. Three story water slide? Bring it on
(in fact, I've done it and it's REALLY fun). Somersaults, flips,
handstands, you name it she'll do it no matter how deep. She loves the
Wibbit, an in-water obstacle course. Ungainly and not ladylike, she
throws herself into it. Nothing stops her.
My girls, they inspire me. They challenge how I think, how I approach life, how I face down my own fears. Katherine is facing something head-on right now, something very painful. I am amazed by her grace and fortitude, her ability to love and forgive and move on. When I want to go ninja on someone, she reminds me this person is already hurting and a prisoner of their own ignorance. Don't you go down that same road, mom. When I see life through my own jaded viewfinder, Alison points out a fact or reality I wasn't seeing and changes my approach. I thought God gave me children to enrich THEIR lives. It's been quite the opposite. Where I differ from my own mother is I try to be teachable and humble enough to recognize when I need to change my view or thoughts on something, instead of hanging onto my pride and arrogance and thinking my way is the ONLY way.
Girls, my precious girls, Katherine and Alison, it is such a privilege to be your mother, to learn from you, to walk with you, to love you, and to be loved by you in return. The lessons I learn and growth I gain are your gifts to me.
My girls, they inspire me. They challenge how I think, how I approach life, how I face down my own fears. Katherine is facing something head-on right now, something very painful. I am amazed by her grace and fortitude, her ability to love and forgive and move on. When I want to go ninja on someone, she reminds me this person is already hurting and a prisoner of their own ignorance. Don't you go down that same road, mom. When I see life through my own jaded viewfinder, Alison points out a fact or reality I wasn't seeing and changes my approach. I thought God gave me children to enrich THEIR lives. It's been quite the opposite. Where I differ from my own mother is I try to be teachable and humble enough to recognize when I need to change my view or thoughts on something, instead of hanging onto my pride and arrogance and thinking my way is the ONLY way.
Girls, my precious girls, Katherine and Alison, it is such a privilege to be your mother, to learn from you, to walk with you, to love you, and to be loved by you in return. The lessons I learn and growth I gain are your gifts to me.
Friday, July 18, 2014
When I grow up I want to be.......
So many times I look at my life and wonder, "Is this what I was meant to do? or "Is this what I was meant to be?"
I never found a bigger or more interesting "calling", I never wanted to graduate high school and blaze trails and be the "top" of my field, whatever field that was. My desires were simple. To work, to love, to be loved, and be happy.
I never wanted to be one of those women with multiple children under age five and two in diapers at the same time and do nothing but talk to little people all day long. A mother wasn't something I aspired to be, in fact, when I was in my late teens/early 20's I swore up and down I wasn't going to have kids, but when the time came, God peeled back a layer of whatever was covering my heart and I discovered profound love for two beautiful girls I have been blessed to hear call me "mom". In the days of gestation, I rubbed my belly and talked to them, telling them both how much I loved them, that I couldn't wait to meet them and be their mommy. Seeing each one for the first time was breathtaking and I felt like God opened a little window for me to see just a taste of heaven. I cannot imagine my life without either one and in His infinite wisdom, God did not give me two children close in age, rather they're 14 1/2 years apart. I have been able to enjoy each girl on her own and though they love one another dearly and deeply, each one has been raised like an only child and that's given me a unique time with both of them, a time to relish watching them grow and learn and become the interesting, captivating, deep, funny, intelligent young lady both of them are.
I had a learning disability we later on learned was ADD, a condition that is the bane of some people's existences, and a blessing to others. I can multitask like a boss, but cannot focus for any great length of time on anything. I was the kid that whose report cards read, "Needs to pay attention in class." All my life I told myself I was stupid, and as I've aged and gleaned wisdom from age and life, He peeled back another layer of whatever was covering my heart and I discovered I'm REALLY quite intelligent and wise and capable. I cannot read a book and put anything together without copious amounts of confusion and rereading over and over and then just shelving the book, but I can, with eyes and hands and effort, figure pretty much ANYTHING out and do very well. I am QUITE smart, I just didn't need academia's approval or the world's approval and a degree to hang on the wall. I have my own approval and my degree from the University of Hard Knocks is in satisfaction with how I truly am and acceptance of how my brain works.
I never went through my childhood thinking, "When I grow up I want to be a calligrapher." Unless you were born in the middle ages, I think we all pretty much wanted to grow up to be flight attendants, nurses, doctors, astronauts, writers, teachers, or some other profession that paid well and people looked up to. I was 26 when a thought dropped into my lap and after a trip to Michaels and the purchase of a book and a pen set, in 13 years and over 1,700 weddings and events and commissioned pieces, I took an old fashioned art form, in Greek, the word kallos graphe literally mean "beautiful writing", and turned it into something that has enabled me to work with clients from the United Kingdom to Hong Kong, clients in every single state in the country, to Michael Jordan's 50th birthday to the Bat Mitzvah of the daughter of the former head of HBO, to countless weddings and birthdays and anniversaries and family gatherings, to the heartfelt words of a father to a daughter, a husband to a wife, a wife to her children, people trust me with words that come from their heart and I put those words to paper, glass, wood, canvas, stethoscopes, envelopes, and every other medium. I've penned lyrics of songs for a widow that thinks of her husband every time she passes by the picture frame. I've penned a love letter from a father to his daughter. I have worked with clients I wished I could adopt or could adopt ME, and I've encountered brides so self-absorbed and shallow I wanted to call their fiances and go, "Pssst! It's called the Witness Protection Program--let's go! They can hide you!" It's crazy, creative, colorful, exhausting, gratifying and horrifying, but it's a life I've been blessed to create with a gift from the giver of gifts, God himself. I didn't think when I was in Mrs. Storey's Offices Practices class that one day I'd ditch the typewriter and attorneys for ink well and nib and parchment paper, but I wouldn't trade this for the world.
I watched my friends and girls I knew date man after man after man and go out on a seemingly endless string of dates with different guys, and I was always the one that sat home on Saturday nights crocheting afghans with intermittent boys and men placed here and there. I didn't realize I gave off a vibe that told men to "get lost" but apparently when I found myself at Denver International Airport on September 25, 2001 to see the man that would be my husband for the first time in 20 years, that vibe disappeared and so did my longing for those endless strings of dates as a tentative man I hadn't seen since 1981 walked towards me and I can honestly say I've been loved passionately and deeply and should he go Home before I do, I would be quite content never standing beside another man because I have had the love that all women hope for but sadly, some never find, and it was all in His time, not mine.
I come from a smallish family that has its idiosyncracies and flaws and as time has marched on, those idiosyncracies and flaws have grown in size and depth and I have had to shut doors on some and some have shut the door on me. There are times it bothers me, and other times I'm relieved not to have the drama around me, but I have learned to surround myself in my life with those that will love me regardless of whatever I've done in the past or whatever expectation I've not lived up to in someone else's eyes. I have the family I wish to have, a husband and two beautiful daughters, and a son-in-law, and should God decide to open doors and bring more to the table, that's fine, but I have learned to find contentment among those I do have and love deeply.
I have friends from all of my walks of life and like a garden of flowers, each one is different and beautiful and strong and tender and blooms at times different from others' blooming, but put them all together and when I find myself walking through that garden, I get to enjoy the sweet fragrance of kindness, compassion, talents, abilities, gifts, shortcomings, longcomings, and blessings. He has shown me how to eliminate the weeds of jealousy and envy that would choke out the beauty and how to nurture and feed the flowers that make my life rich and colorful and beautiful. Some bloom in the spring, like bulbs, and some bloom in the fall, like dahlias, and some bloom all year long, but each "flower" is precious and special to me and I love the garden He has given me.
When I ask myself, "Is this what I was meant to do? or "Is this what I was meant to be?", I have to honestly answer, "Yes." To pursue any thing else would be to upset the applecart that God has wheeled into my world. To pine after something He doesn't intend for me to have would be to unfairly take my appreciation and attention from what He HAS given me, and given to me abundantly and fully. If we take our eyes off what we think we "want" and focus instead on what we "have" and thank Him from whom all blessings flow, you will probably find you're exactly where He wanted you all along and doing what He wanted you to do all along. It's your calling. It's your life. It's His gift.
I never found a bigger or more interesting "calling", I never wanted to graduate high school and blaze trails and be the "top" of my field, whatever field that was. My desires were simple. To work, to love, to be loved, and be happy.
I never wanted to be one of those women with multiple children under age five and two in diapers at the same time and do nothing but talk to little people all day long. A mother wasn't something I aspired to be, in fact, when I was in my late teens/early 20's I swore up and down I wasn't going to have kids, but when the time came, God peeled back a layer of whatever was covering my heart and I discovered profound love for two beautiful girls I have been blessed to hear call me "mom". In the days of gestation, I rubbed my belly and talked to them, telling them both how much I loved them, that I couldn't wait to meet them and be their mommy. Seeing each one for the first time was breathtaking and I felt like God opened a little window for me to see just a taste of heaven. I cannot imagine my life without either one and in His infinite wisdom, God did not give me two children close in age, rather they're 14 1/2 years apart. I have been able to enjoy each girl on her own and though they love one another dearly and deeply, each one has been raised like an only child and that's given me a unique time with both of them, a time to relish watching them grow and learn and become the interesting, captivating, deep, funny, intelligent young lady both of them are.
I had a learning disability we later on learned was ADD, a condition that is the bane of some people's existences, and a blessing to others. I can multitask like a boss, but cannot focus for any great length of time on anything. I was the kid that whose report cards read, "Needs to pay attention in class." All my life I told myself I was stupid, and as I've aged and gleaned wisdom from age and life, He peeled back another layer of whatever was covering my heart and I discovered I'm REALLY quite intelligent and wise and capable. I cannot read a book and put anything together without copious amounts of confusion and rereading over and over and then just shelving the book, but I can, with eyes and hands and effort, figure pretty much ANYTHING out and do very well. I am QUITE smart, I just didn't need academia's approval or the world's approval and a degree to hang on the wall. I have my own approval and my degree from the University of Hard Knocks is in satisfaction with how I truly am and acceptance of how my brain works.
I never went through my childhood thinking, "When I grow up I want to be a calligrapher." Unless you were born in the middle ages, I think we all pretty much wanted to grow up to be flight attendants, nurses, doctors, astronauts, writers, teachers, or some other profession that paid well and people looked up to. I was 26 when a thought dropped into my lap and after a trip to Michaels and the purchase of a book and a pen set, in 13 years and over 1,700 weddings and events and commissioned pieces, I took an old fashioned art form, in Greek, the word kallos graphe literally mean "beautiful writing", and turned it into something that has enabled me to work with clients from the United Kingdom to Hong Kong, clients in every single state in the country, to Michael Jordan's 50th birthday to the Bat Mitzvah of the daughter of the former head of HBO, to countless weddings and birthdays and anniversaries and family gatherings, to the heartfelt words of a father to a daughter, a husband to a wife, a wife to her children, people trust me with words that come from their heart and I put those words to paper, glass, wood, canvas, stethoscopes, envelopes, and every other medium. I've penned lyrics of songs for a widow that thinks of her husband every time she passes by the picture frame. I've penned a love letter from a father to his daughter. I have worked with clients I wished I could adopt or could adopt ME, and I've encountered brides so self-absorbed and shallow I wanted to call their fiances and go, "Pssst! It's called the Witness Protection Program--let's go! They can hide you!" It's crazy, creative, colorful, exhausting, gratifying and horrifying, but it's a life I've been blessed to create with a gift from the giver of gifts, God himself. I didn't think when I was in Mrs. Storey's Offices Practices class that one day I'd ditch the typewriter and attorneys for ink well and nib and parchment paper, but I wouldn't trade this for the world.
I watched my friends and girls I knew date man after man after man and go out on a seemingly endless string of dates with different guys, and I was always the one that sat home on Saturday nights crocheting afghans with intermittent boys and men placed here and there. I didn't realize I gave off a vibe that told men to "get lost" but apparently when I found myself at Denver International Airport on September 25, 2001 to see the man that would be my husband for the first time in 20 years, that vibe disappeared and so did my longing for those endless strings of dates as a tentative man I hadn't seen since 1981 walked towards me and I can honestly say I've been loved passionately and deeply and should he go Home before I do, I would be quite content never standing beside another man because I have had the love that all women hope for but sadly, some never find, and it was all in His time, not mine.
I come from a smallish family that has its idiosyncracies and flaws and as time has marched on, those idiosyncracies and flaws have grown in size and depth and I have had to shut doors on some and some have shut the door on me. There are times it bothers me, and other times I'm relieved not to have the drama around me, but I have learned to surround myself in my life with those that will love me regardless of whatever I've done in the past or whatever expectation I've not lived up to in someone else's eyes. I have the family I wish to have, a husband and two beautiful daughters, and a son-in-law, and should God decide to open doors and bring more to the table, that's fine, but I have learned to find contentment among those I do have and love deeply.
I have friends from all of my walks of life and like a garden of flowers, each one is different and beautiful and strong and tender and blooms at times different from others' blooming, but put them all together and when I find myself walking through that garden, I get to enjoy the sweet fragrance of kindness, compassion, talents, abilities, gifts, shortcomings, longcomings, and blessings. He has shown me how to eliminate the weeds of jealousy and envy that would choke out the beauty and how to nurture and feed the flowers that make my life rich and colorful and beautiful. Some bloom in the spring, like bulbs, and some bloom in the fall, like dahlias, and some bloom all year long, but each "flower" is precious and special to me and I love the garden He has given me.
When I ask myself, "Is this what I was meant to do? or "Is this what I was meant to be?", I have to honestly answer, "Yes." To pursue any thing else would be to upset the applecart that God has wheeled into my world. To pine after something He doesn't intend for me to have would be to unfairly take my appreciation and attention from what He HAS given me, and given to me abundantly and fully. If we take our eyes off what we think we "want" and focus instead on what we "have" and thank Him from whom all blessings flow, you will probably find you're exactly where He wanted you all along and doing what He wanted you to do all along. It's your calling. It's your life. It's His gift.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Hey you! You're important.
Before I had kids, friends of mine with kids would tell me how agonizing it was when they'd get the parents to babysit and they'd go out to dinner with their spouse, and all they did was stare at the ice melting in their water glasses and talk about..........the kids.
I can hereby confirm that once I became a parent, yes, you do, in fact, do just that.
Fast forward several years and now I'm the mother of a 24 year old and an almost ten year old. I often say "with age comes wisdom." It's so true and that is the ONE thing I think I love most about getting older. The wisdom I glean from every day life.
Today, my daughter went to a water park with her youth group from church. She has quite an unusual life--she's home schooled. That means we are around each other 24/7. Not only are she and I around each other 24/7, her father is with us 24/7 as well. It does require some getting used to and at times, I can say without hesitation that going to the grocery store is the only time I may find peace and quiet. In the middle of a busy grocery store. There may be a dozen kids screaming for mom, but none of them are mine and I have developed quite the talent for tuning out other people's kids.
Today, the house is quiet. Phineas and Pherb isn't on, no Disney shows are on. Art paper and pens aren't strung all over the living room floor. The television is off, there is no hounding to get on the computer or go swimming, there is no showing me the newest drawing, no telling me about her latest book, no whining about anything. It is quiet. I love my daughters, both of them. Endlessly I love them. But I also deeply appreciate quiet "me" time. Today, after I dropped her off, I came home and relished the quiet. I knew the things I needed to accomplish and I am getting to them one at a time, not rushing through them, but thoughtfully accomplishing what needs accomplishing and tossing out the clutter that jams up my life with busyness. I am getting REALLY good at tossing out the needless and unnecessary. I am thinking complete thoughts, I am enjoying time in the bathroom with no one pounding on the door that she has "to pee like yesterday, c'mon mom, hurry up!" I can put clean clothes on her bed and not hear a huff of exasperation. No indignant comments. But also missing are the hugs and the "I love you so much, mom". You take the good with the bad and put it all on the floor in a pile and you call it life.
So, today, I've cleaned a bit, cleaned out piles of things that needed my attention. I hit a wall earlier this week, shutting off all social media and shutting my own self up from commenting on anything, from watching news, from listening to that horrid man in the People's House say ANYTHING. I have shut it all out. Yesterday, out of the blue, I dropped down on the bed and slept three hours, waking only to make dinner, clean up the kitchen, make the bed with new sheets, catch the season finale of 24, and then I slept for 12 more hours. Obviously I needed the sleep. I feel more rested and clear today than I've felt for a long, long time. I refuse to drain myself dry anymore of energy, clarity, peace. Let the world survive on the "news as it happens" lifestyle. I have too many flowers to stop and smell.
I'm nearing the end of my to-do list, reading the last few magazines I need to get through and discard. I have envelopes needing done, and they'll get done. I have one and a half hours before Ms. Thing will need to be picked up. I hope she's had a fun day, being a kid, laughing, splashing, making friends, just having a good old time. I purposely don't volunteer to help out on any of these events because she needs to be away from mom and dad and just have fun being a kid on her own. It always makes her appreciate time with us so much more and we appreciate being around that much more after she's been away for a while. I am relishing the quiet, the slower pace, the need to just breathe and enjoy some peace. That will all change once she hits the door and has to tell me all about her adventures on the water slide and who said what to whom and where's my cat? as she scoops Gilbert up in her arms to spend some time with him as she winds down.
Today, I have to honestly say I've not thought a lot about her being gone. There's nothing wrong with that. Somehow in our society we have become guilt-ridden if we don't saturate ourselves every single second with our children. We have forced ourselves to forget that at one time we were individuals and had lives and had uninterrupted thoughts and spoke on complete sentences. Then children arrived and we have been told that unless you make them the center of your universe and breathe every cell of them into your lungs you're an awful parent and don't deserve to have them. I have dropped the ball plenty of times as a mom and my daughters know they are loved, but they are not the center of my universe. God is. Then my husband. Then my daughters. Each is important, but at the end of my life, I will not have to stand and give account of my life to either my husband or my daughters. It is God I will answer to. It is God I seek for direction and answers. If I don't have Him at the center, wheel is lopsided and I head in directions I don't want to go.
I am grateful for this day away from Ali and I'm sure she's grateful for the day away from us. There is nothing wrong with that. Quit letting the world tell you that you're the next Hitler if you don't feel guilty about them not being with you 24/7. You are the one your children see as the example-setters in their lives. Show them that they, by themselves, individually, are important. You have to take care of yourself, recharge your battery, fill your soul back up with oxygen and life. You can be nothing to anyone else if you aren't taking care of being something for you. Take care of YOU because few others will.
I can hereby confirm that once I became a parent, yes, you do, in fact, do just that.
Fast forward several years and now I'm the mother of a 24 year old and an almost ten year old. I often say "with age comes wisdom." It's so true and that is the ONE thing I think I love most about getting older. The wisdom I glean from every day life.
Today, my daughter went to a water park with her youth group from church. She has quite an unusual life--she's home schooled. That means we are around each other 24/7. Not only are she and I around each other 24/7, her father is with us 24/7 as well. It does require some getting used to and at times, I can say without hesitation that going to the grocery store is the only time I may find peace and quiet. In the middle of a busy grocery store. There may be a dozen kids screaming for mom, but none of them are mine and I have developed quite the talent for tuning out other people's kids.
Today, the house is quiet. Phineas and Pherb isn't on, no Disney shows are on. Art paper and pens aren't strung all over the living room floor. The television is off, there is no hounding to get on the computer or go swimming, there is no showing me the newest drawing, no telling me about her latest book, no whining about anything. It is quiet. I love my daughters, both of them. Endlessly I love them. But I also deeply appreciate quiet "me" time. Today, after I dropped her off, I came home and relished the quiet. I knew the things I needed to accomplish and I am getting to them one at a time, not rushing through them, but thoughtfully accomplishing what needs accomplishing and tossing out the clutter that jams up my life with busyness. I am getting REALLY good at tossing out the needless and unnecessary. I am thinking complete thoughts, I am enjoying time in the bathroom with no one pounding on the door that she has "to pee like yesterday, c'mon mom, hurry up!" I can put clean clothes on her bed and not hear a huff of exasperation. No indignant comments. But also missing are the hugs and the "I love you so much, mom". You take the good with the bad and put it all on the floor in a pile and you call it life.
So, today, I've cleaned a bit, cleaned out piles of things that needed my attention. I hit a wall earlier this week, shutting off all social media and shutting my own self up from commenting on anything, from watching news, from listening to that horrid man in the People's House say ANYTHING. I have shut it all out. Yesterday, out of the blue, I dropped down on the bed and slept three hours, waking only to make dinner, clean up the kitchen, make the bed with new sheets, catch the season finale of 24, and then I slept for 12 more hours. Obviously I needed the sleep. I feel more rested and clear today than I've felt for a long, long time. I refuse to drain myself dry anymore of energy, clarity, peace. Let the world survive on the "news as it happens" lifestyle. I have too many flowers to stop and smell.
I'm nearing the end of my to-do list, reading the last few magazines I need to get through and discard. I have envelopes needing done, and they'll get done. I have one and a half hours before Ms. Thing will need to be picked up. I hope she's had a fun day, being a kid, laughing, splashing, making friends, just having a good old time. I purposely don't volunteer to help out on any of these events because she needs to be away from mom and dad and just have fun being a kid on her own. It always makes her appreciate time with us so much more and we appreciate being around that much more after she's been away for a while. I am relishing the quiet, the slower pace, the need to just breathe and enjoy some peace. That will all change once she hits the door and has to tell me all about her adventures on the water slide and who said what to whom and where's my cat? as she scoops Gilbert up in her arms to spend some time with him as she winds down.
Today, I have to honestly say I've not thought a lot about her being gone. There's nothing wrong with that. Somehow in our society we have become guilt-ridden if we don't saturate ourselves every single second with our children. We have forced ourselves to forget that at one time we were individuals and had lives and had uninterrupted thoughts and spoke on complete sentences. Then children arrived and we have been told that unless you make them the center of your universe and breathe every cell of them into your lungs you're an awful parent and don't deserve to have them. I have dropped the ball plenty of times as a mom and my daughters know they are loved, but they are not the center of my universe. God is. Then my husband. Then my daughters. Each is important, but at the end of my life, I will not have to stand and give account of my life to either my husband or my daughters. It is God I will answer to. It is God I seek for direction and answers. If I don't have Him at the center, wheel is lopsided and I head in directions I don't want to go.
I am grateful for this day away from Ali and I'm sure she's grateful for the day away from us. There is nothing wrong with that. Quit letting the world tell you that you're the next Hitler if you don't feel guilty about them not being with you 24/7. You are the one your children see as the example-setters in their lives. Show them that they, by themselves, individually, are important. You have to take care of yourself, recharge your battery, fill your soul back up with oxygen and life. You can be nothing to anyone else if you aren't taking care of being something for you. Take care of YOU because few others will.
Monday, July 14, 2014
It's Monday morning and your president is STILL breaking the law
Good morning, America.
After a good night's sleep and a refreshed mind, I wake to start my day and find the following BEAUTIFUL rant by Judge Jeanine Pirro:
http://video.foxnews.com/v/3672753276001/judge-jeanine-president-needs-to-fix-border-mess-he-created/#sp=show-clips
It is DEPLORABLE and DISGUSTING what this man has done. He's put out the call to all of South America and Mexico to send us your kids (after all, who can turn away the face of a child?) and we'll cram them into the nooks and crannies of our country, put them on the welfare rolls (classic Cloward and Piven) and provide for their every need. He doesn't care that they have sexually transmitted diseases, lice, scabies, tuberculosis, foot and mouth disease, his goal all his life has been to knock the United States off its pedestal and make it no better than a third world country in Africa. He wants Americans living in the same corrugated tin and cardboard shacks that residents in third world countries live in, while he and that wookie he's married to jet off to vacay after vacay in the name of relaxation, because being an asshole is SUCH exhausting work.
Yes, I just called the president of the United States an asshole. VERY mild considering what I could call him.
He has broken the law over and over. Eric Holder has broken the law time and time again. So has Valerie Jarrett. The Three Amigos of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue are finally being seen for what they truly are and what we have known the are for a long, long time: criminals. And like the Clintons, there is a string of dead bodies behind them, the bodies of those that spoke out or raised their voices in opposition to their actions. We HAVE to find our balls as a nation and begin speaking out without fearing reprisal. Too many men and women have died in the name of defending our country for these criminals to destroy the gift of America and freedom that has been given to us. This is a nation of rights given to us by God Himself. If you are too lazy or ignorant to fight for those rights, then you deserve whatever befalls you as this nation dries up and blows away. Those of us with voices loud and clear and intentions strong as iron won't go down without a fight. But the first place we begin this fight is on our knees.
It is absolutely imperative that America falls to her knees in prayer and humility and apology to Him for the 56 million babies aborted in the name of freedom and choice. We need to seek forgiveness for the celebration of the gay and lesbian lifestyle choices that threaten to divide our nation along the lines of sexual choice. And it IS a choice, being gay. You were NOT born that way, despite what Lady Gaga wants you to believe.
Read the words in Leviticus and Romans, the words divinely imparted from God to men, His thoughts and words about a man burning with lust for another man, or a woman exchanging natural affections for men with another woman. In God's own words those choices are an ABOMINATION. Why then, if God is without imperfection or error, would He create a man to burn with lust for another man or a woman to exchange her natural affection for another man with a woman if in His own words those are an ABOMINATION in his eyes? God does not contradict himself.
We need to seek forgiveness for promoting sex outside of marriage, for being such a disposable society that children are murdered and tossed into dumpsters and ditches with no afterthought or remorse. We as a nation spend millions of dollars and countless hours watching the spectacular pimping by Kris Jenner of her family in the name of making millions, yet we ridicule or even ban group prayer in public places and fight to remove crosses from roadsides because athiests object over their very visible existence.
America, we are TOTALLY and COMPLETELY screwed up. With each instance of ignoring Israel, or turning our backs on her by this administration, we are setting America up for disaster and failure of biblical proportions. As Anne Graham Lotz has said, and I paraphrase, "God is a gentleman. If He's asked to leave he will not overstay His welcome or overstep his bounds. He will leave."
But then what are our first words crying out when disaster hits because He's removed his hand of protection from us? "God, please! Come help us!"
America, you don't get it both ways. You don't get to stand at the door and with one hand point Him in the direction away from you with your right hand, while at the same time, beckoning Him to you with your left. God doesn't play that game.
Those of us that "get it" need to brace ourselves and our houses and stifle the desire to say, "I told you so" when the proverbial poo does hit the fan. And it will. Should the LORD tarry, it's just a matter of time before it all comes flying back in our faces.
Then who will America call? Can't be God because you've chased Him out, and the Ghostbusters are too old and one has died. America, you're on your own.
After a good night's sleep and a refreshed mind, I wake to start my day and find the following BEAUTIFUL rant by Judge Jeanine Pirro:
http://video.foxnews.com/v/3672753276001/judge-jeanine-president-needs-to-fix-border-mess-he-created/#sp=show-clips
It is DEPLORABLE and DISGUSTING what this man has done. He's put out the call to all of South America and Mexico to send us your kids (after all, who can turn away the face of a child?) and we'll cram them into the nooks and crannies of our country, put them on the welfare rolls (classic Cloward and Piven) and provide for their every need. He doesn't care that they have sexually transmitted diseases, lice, scabies, tuberculosis, foot and mouth disease, his goal all his life has been to knock the United States off its pedestal and make it no better than a third world country in Africa. He wants Americans living in the same corrugated tin and cardboard shacks that residents in third world countries live in, while he and that wookie he's married to jet off to vacay after vacay in the name of relaxation, because being an asshole is SUCH exhausting work.
Yes, I just called the president of the United States an asshole. VERY mild considering what I could call him.
He has broken the law over and over. Eric Holder has broken the law time and time again. So has Valerie Jarrett. The Three Amigos of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue are finally being seen for what they truly are and what we have known the are for a long, long time: criminals. And like the Clintons, there is a string of dead bodies behind them, the bodies of those that spoke out or raised their voices in opposition to their actions. We HAVE to find our balls as a nation and begin speaking out without fearing reprisal. Too many men and women have died in the name of defending our country for these criminals to destroy the gift of America and freedom that has been given to us. This is a nation of rights given to us by God Himself. If you are too lazy or ignorant to fight for those rights, then you deserve whatever befalls you as this nation dries up and blows away. Those of us with voices loud and clear and intentions strong as iron won't go down without a fight. But the first place we begin this fight is on our knees.
It is absolutely imperative that America falls to her knees in prayer and humility and apology to Him for the 56 million babies aborted in the name of freedom and choice. We need to seek forgiveness for the celebration of the gay and lesbian lifestyle choices that threaten to divide our nation along the lines of sexual choice. And it IS a choice, being gay. You were NOT born that way, despite what Lady Gaga wants you to believe.
Read the words in Leviticus and Romans, the words divinely imparted from God to men, His thoughts and words about a man burning with lust for another man, or a woman exchanging natural affections for men with another woman. In God's own words those choices are an ABOMINATION. Why then, if God is without imperfection or error, would He create a man to burn with lust for another man or a woman to exchange her natural affection for another man with a woman if in His own words those are an ABOMINATION in his eyes? God does not contradict himself.
We need to seek forgiveness for promoting sex outside of marriage, for being such a disposable society that children are murdered and tossed into dumpsters and ditches with no afterthought or remorse. We as a nation spend millions of dollars and countless hours watching the spectacular pimping by Kris Jenner of her family in the name of making millions, yet we ridicule or even ban group prayer in public places and fight to remove crosses from roadsides because athiests object over their very visible existence.
America, we are TOTALLY and COMPLETELY screwed up. With each instance of ignoring Israel, or turning our backs on her by this administration, we are setting America up for disaster and failure of biblical proportions. As Anne Graham Lotz has said, and I paraphrase, "God is a gentleman. If He's asked to leave he will not overstay His welcome or overstep his bounds. He will leave."
But then what are our first words crying out when disaster hits because He's removed his hand of protection from us? "God, please! Come help us!"
America, you don't get it both ways. You don't get to stand at the door and with one hand point Him in the direction away from you with your right hand, while at the same time, beckoning Him to you with your left. God doesn't play that game.
Those of us that "get it" need to brace ourselves and our houses and stifle the desire to say, "I told you so" when the proverbial poo does hit the fan. And it will. Should the LORD tarry, it's just a matter of time before it all comes flying back in our faces.
Then who will America call? Can't be God because you've chased Him out, and the Ghostbusters are too old and one has died. America, you're on your own.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Recharging a very, very tired battery
I am a very compulsive person. Somewhere along the line of me becoming me, I don't think anyone checked the "self-control" or "she's had enough" gene mix. I literally lack the component that says "enough is enough" and will do something until I am a burned out wreck of a human being, overloaded, saturated, burned out. Whether it's a chemical ingested, a habit, or a behavior, I go until I can go no more and then I spend time recuperating and refilling myself. The older I get, the more I find myself needing quiet time to rebalance and correct my head and heart. The older I get, the less I can saturate myself with news of the world and drama queens, people that turn any situation into a panty-bunching, hand-wringing episode of idiocy.
When I first met my ex-mother-in-law way back in 1986, she walked in the front door of her house after she got off work. It was September and the sun set about 6:30-7:00 at night by that time. She was home from work by 5:15. She entered the front door, shut and locked it, and then went around the living room and drew all the blinds closed, while it was still fairly sunny outside. I looked quizically at her and she said, "When I come home from work, I want nothing to do with the world or anyone in it, this is my time and my space and my family time." I thought she was nuts.
Until I became the age that she was at that time.
When I'm home, the doors are shut and locked, unless it's a nice day, the windows are shut, nighttime comes and the world is shut out by the blinds, and I am completely and fully happy shutting out the world and everyone in it. I want nothing from the outside or the world making its way inside and when I get to where I'm at today, I don't even want the news on. I sure as hell don't want to hear the voice of the White House squatter. It is an unspoken rule in our house: The television is muted before one word comes out of his mouth.
World overload sneaks up on me. It's not something I'm truly conscious of, I just know that all of a sudden, it's very clear to me that I've had enough and I can't get away from the world fast enough. I'm worn out. Add to that worldly exhaustion a husband that needs seemingly constant medical attention, a nearly 10 year old with the normal 10 year old angst and heavily immersed in puberty, and a business that can suck the very life out of me, and I hit a wall head-on, very hard and very fast. I am not unusual or exceptional or extra-special. I'm just me. A woman of 49 that is tired. I realize the world isn't going to give me a break so I do what I have to and take the break myself.
Facebook is a contradiction of itself. Social media is supposed to make us more "social" yet Facebook can be one of the most isolating phenomena I've ever seen. For something so "social", people isolate themselves by sitting in their houses "chatting" with "friends", most of whom they've never met, as is the case with me. Having these "friends" has been a blessing because I've met many believers and like-minded people through Facebook, while at the same time, I've been shunned, unfriended, and cut-off by people I've known since fifth grade because, even though they've known my outspokenness since childhood, I'm suddenly not worth "knowing" as friend on Facebook, yet if they see me in town they will act as though I'm a long-lost buddy. It's ludicrous and much of the time, comical. I'd MUCH rather they just completely ignore me if that's going to be the case, and thankfully, many do comply. In some ways, a person's true colors come out through their words and some actually save you the time it would take to find out they're not really worth having in your life after all.
I've seen people use Facebook to go on rants about family, completely upsetting the apple cart and destroying relationships. Such as the case with my husband's daughter. Her husband posted a ridiculous rant about a family member, without pointing out WHICH family member the rant was about. We responded thinking it was about us, and because of all of that, and I'm sure many more things, doors were shut and we no longer communicate with them, much to our relief. God has a most wonderful way of separating the wheat from the chaff.
So, I'm spending this down time catching up on rest, cleaning out, tossing out, organizing, restructuring, my annual purge. I relish the fact that there are drawers in this house that are completely empty because I don't feel the need to keep anything past its usefulness. Unlike my mother, who keeps everything to the point someone will need a front loader when she dies and the house is cleaned out, and since I'm persona non grata in that house, it won't be me, thank the LORD, I don't have to worry about it. I keep what is necessary or important to us and get rid of the rest. Most importantly, I'm ridding myself of the black cloud of overload and over-information and over-stress by shutting out social media for a while and the news.
My favorite saying has become "with age comes wisdom". Such true words, but the biggest gift of wisdom is the realization that although I may not have been born with the gene that allows me the self-control to not over-indulge, I now recognize the signs when I've done that and I realize how valuable the power that I possess is that I can just shut the world out with the flick of a switch or the click of the mouse. t Log out of Facebook, click off Fox News, shut out the world, and find my little island of peace in a world of chaos.
When I first met my ex-mother-in-law way back in 1986, she walked in the front door of her house after she got off work. It was September and the sun set about 6:30-7:00 at night by that time. She was home from work by 5:15. She entered the front door, shut and locked it, and then went around the living room and drew all the blinds closed, while it was still fairly sunny outside. I looked quizically at her and she said, "When I come home from work, I want nothing to do with the world or anyone in it, this is my time and my space and my family time." I thought she was nuts.
Until I became the age that she was at that time.
When I'm home, the doors are shut and locked, unless it's a nice day, the windows are shut, nighttime comes and the world is shut out by the blinds, and I am completely and fully happy shutting out the world and everyone in it. I want nothing from the outside or the world making its way inside and when I get to where I'm at today, I don't even want the news on. I sure as hell don't want to hear the voice of the White House squatter. It is an unspoken rule in our house: The television is muted before one word comes out of his mouth.
World overload sneaks up on me. It's not something I'm truly conscious of, I just know that all of a sudden, it's very clear to me that I've had enough and I can't get away from the world fast enough. I'm worn out. Add to that worldly exhaustion a husband that needs seemingly constant medical attention, a nearly 10 year old with the normal 10 year old angst and heavily immersed in puberty, and a business that can suck the very life out of me, and I hit a wall head-on, very hard and very fast. I am not unusual or exceptional or extra-special. I'm just me. A woman of 49 that is tired. I realize the world isn't going to give me a break so I do what I have to and take the break myself.
Facebook is a contradiction of itself. Social media is supposed to make us more "social" yet Facebook can be one of the most isolating phenomena I've ever seen. For something so "social", people isolate themselves by sitting in their houses "chatting" with "friends", most of whom they've never met, as is the case with me. Having these "friends" has been a blessing because I've met many believers and like-minded people through Facebook, while at the same time, I've been shunned, unfriended, and cut-off by people I've known since fifth grade because, even though they've known my outspokenness since childhood, I'm suddenly not worth "knowing" as friend on Facebook, yet if they see me in town they will act as though I'm a long-lost buddy. It's ludicrous and much of the time, comical. I'd MUCH rather they just completely ignore me if that's going to be the case, and thankfully, many do comply. In some ways, a person's true colors come out through their words and some actually save you the time it would take to find out they're not really worth having in your life after all.
I've seen people use Facebook to go on rants about family, completely upsetting the apple cart and destroying relationships. Such as the case with my husband's daughter. Her husband posted a ridiculous rant about a family member, without pointing out WHICH family member the rant was about. We responded thinking it was about us, and because of all of that, and I'm sure many more things, doors were shut and we no longer communicate with them, much to our relief. God has a most wonderful way of separating the wheat from the chaff.
So, I'm spending this down time catching up on rest, cleaning out, tossing out, organizing, restructuring, my annual purge. I relish the fact that there are drawers in this house that are completely empty because I don't feel the need to keep anything past its usefulness. Unlike my mother, who keeps everything to the point someone will need a front loader when she dies and the house is cleaned out, and since I'm persona non grata in that house, it won't be me, thank the LORD, I don't have to worry about it. I keep what is necessary or important to us and get rid of the rest. Most importantly, I'm ridding myself of the black cloud of overload and over-information and over-stress by shutting out social media for a while and the news.
My favorite saying has become "with age comes wisdom". Such true words, but the biggest gift of wisdom is the realization that although I may not have been born with the gene that allows me the self-control to not over-indulge, I now recognize the signs when I've done that and I realize how valuable the power that I possess is that I can just shut the world out with the flick of a switch or the click of the mouse. t Log out of Facebook, click off Fox News, shut out the world, and find my little island of peace in a world of chaos.
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